Egg Foo Yuk

The greatest gift is the present.

Published Friday, February 10, 2006 by Dave | E-mail this post

Yes, more about food. I had a really cool free sampling of food from work (that I'm not allowed to talk about) that is coming to shelves soon. I loved it, and it was something I'd probably buy. The only problem is it wasn't enough food for my pig of an apetite. To cure this, I dug back into the fridge and microwaved a plate of chinese food that had been in there for a couple of days.

I was reading Gary's blog, eating my noodles and pieces of chicken and snow peas, very interested in his fireflies article, when an overpoweringly awful taste (and smell!) coursed through my senses. I had bitten down on something soft (seemed like just another piece of chicken) and swallowed it before I became aware of the taste. It was like I had bitten down on a little turd, and though I have no idea what a turd might taste like, the smell and taste of it all seemed to fit the description. What bothered me so much was that I just instictively swallowed without even thinking of spitting it out. I feel violated... abused... disgusted...

Anyway I have to finish my plate of food. I'm still hungry. I'll let you know if I get violently ill.

8 Responses to “Egg Foo Yuk”

Anonymous on 7:05 p.m.

I'm gonna pretend like I'm not always the first one to leave a comment when you post. I am NOT that addicted to checking my bloglines. I'm NOT.

And. A turd. Really. I'm way too sensible and gullible and level-headed to leave a comment on this post. Really. A turd. I do not think like guys. A turd would probably NEVER have crossed my mind (you said you didn't see it, only tasted it). I have TWO babies who between them poop no less than five to six times PER DAY. I know turds.

If there was a real turd anywhere near you (being a man, and I've had two husbands, several boyfriends, two brothers, and one dad, so I feel like I know men) - you would have been heaving and having this "I'm barfing here and now" look on your face. Swallowing is not possible under those conditions. You can disembowel frogs and various other creatures at the pond with Gary. Most men can field dress a deer or bird without batting an eye, but when presented with actual turds, every man I know nearly passes out at just the smell. If you are a typical man, I promise you it was not a turd.

Nice. I have now stated that I know turds and I know men. What a way to sum myself up.
Anonymous on 8:33 p.m.

Laura It's awesome (damn I said it again) that you take the time. Thanks very much...

D
Anonymous on 8:25 p.m.

Well, perhaps it isn't poo after all. According to the FDA Defect Action Level Handbook macaroni and noodle products are allowed the following:

Average of 225 insect fragments or more per 225 grams in 6 or more subsamples
Average of 4.5 rodent hairs or more per 225 grams in 6 or more subsamples

Of course it could be poo after all. If it contains wheat, you're allowed:
[an] Average of 9 mg or more rodent excreta pellets and/or pellet fragments per kilogram

Peppers are allowed:
Mammalian excreta (MPM-V32) Average of more than 1mg mammalian excreta per pound

Man...that's a google search I wish I hadn't done. I think I'll be sick.
Anonymous on 8:41 p.m.

Yes. I didn't know that exactly, but after learning something similar about how many fly larvae are acceptable in dried fruit such as raisins I'm not surprised. By the way I didn't get sick, so I guess that's a good thing. Probably all the insect fragments, rodent hairs and excreta pellets have steeled my stomach.
Anonymous on 12:14 a.m.

Dave...on my travels, I'm taking you out for a non-insect, non turd meal okay? haha
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