Oh, I really have nothing for you, but I thought you'd find it interesting what happens when Dave runs out of sugar. First of all I should explain how I make coffee because it's related to how I make coffee. I have have something called a Swiss Filter. Okay it may not be called that but it has the word "Swiss" in it, or maybe "Swedish". And it has two parts: one is the container that, um, contains the coffee (it has a fine screen at the bottom) and the other is a sleeve that fits into the first container and it presses down on the coffee a bit and has holes in the bottom. You place this whole contraption, complete with coffee grounds sandwiched between the two plastic halves, on top of a coffee cup. Just pour boiling water.

It works very well, and produces a quite acceptable, if single, cup of coffee. I like it strong, and you can make coffee so strong it wakes you up just touching the handle of your mug.

Of course this is the time I put sugar in and cream. That is, after the brewing has taken place. But I'm out of sugar, and all I have in the house is a big squeeze thing of honey. You may be saying "just buy some more sugar" but I am fully aware I won't remember to do that for quite a few months. So NOW what I do is pour the honey right on top of the coffee grounds, assemble the Swiss Filter, and presto! Pre-sweetened coffee. The only trouble is I have to rinse it out a lot better afterwards. Yes it's a bachelor thing.

I'm currently working on a way to get the cream in there too. Why bother with this? It's the stirring, of course. All that work of stirring the coffee is just within reach of being eliminated. But about adding cream to the filter: currently it cools down the boiling water too much and I get medeocre tasting coffee and a VERY big mess in the Swiss Filter. Hey... what about powdered coffee creamer?

Just have to go try something. (Senseo, eat your heart out)

I'm pretty well blown away. I did some whining on the show about some things in my life (my kids being thousands of miles away, and how much it hurts and how helpless I feel about it sometimes) and I knew people would write and be supportive. If I'm honest with myself I'll admit I hoped so and thought it would be helpful to getting it straight in my mind. But the true reason I talked about it was that I needed people to know what was buzzing in the background. I needed people to know that this thing was going on (which I'm sure I've glancingly mentioned before, but not the details so much) and that I hoped they didn't think I' was an awful person because of it. I know I'm not an awful person, but I don't feel good at all about the situation I (and really I alone) have created. It isn't a hollywood style, all-things-end-well kind of story. It's the kind of story that, if heard in person, would likely cause an awkward silence, and maybe some polite comments.

But what I got was overwhelming. The supportive comments and emails I've gotten have really made me back up and think about it all in a new way. I haven't finished thinking, and I'm not saying I've arrived at some new conclusion, but I've come much closer to feeling that everything can be okay in its own way, and that sometimes we are weaker than we expect ourselves to be and that even though it's not "okay" it's just the way it is.

I love my kids so much, and I have so many faults that I don't want to really think about it, but having the support of people who care, even though I don't feel I deserve it, has meant so much to me that I have trouble putting it into words. Somehow those are the times I always try to.

So I guess this is just me being bewildered, surprised, humbled, and very very thankful of the good nature of people.

I'm going to make sure I put in the maximum effort I'm able, to keep myself in the lives of my children. I know I haven't even started yet, but I'll figure it out.

Love to everybody.
Dave