Cup Boreds

The greatest gift is the present.

Published Thursday, May 18, 2006 by Dave | E-mail this post

I really don't want to talk about this on the podcast because it's so depressing, but I have no problem making all of YOU suffer with me. You see, I decided that my crappy, white, melamine cupboards were making my kitchen look a little boring. The whole, white on white look of the kitchen is just not inspiring to me. I want to COOK... I want to CHOP and SAUTEÉ and FLAMBÉ! But in the white kitchen all I do is make microwave popcorn and fried eggs.

So I used the excuse of having a load of time on my hands (I'm on a 10 day holiday at home) to repaint the cupboards a nice, deep, rich, inspiring shade of chocolate brown. DARK chocolate. Like you'd shave over a slice of cheesecake. Yeah.

I unscrewed them all and began laying them about the place. (in the process being amazed at how MANY of them there are. I swear I counted fifty cupboards) Then I went to the Home Depot and bought the paint, some heavy duty primer, some foam (smooth) rollers, a tray, and some dropcloths. Having accomplished this I returned and set about getting into my grubby clothes and got to work.

After about four hours I had primed all the cupboards. In the process I had a suspicion that the foam rollers were just not fine enough and I may end up laying down paint that looks BUMPY. With nothing to do but wait I decided NOT to go back to the Home Depot and buy a superfine roller, but instead to play XBOX for a couple of hours.

Paint dry, I began laying down the lovely brown paint (Ralph Lauren Tilled Earth or some nonsense) and immediately discovered that 1. the paint was too thick to go on smoothly and 2. the roller was too rough to lay the paint down without bumps. At this point I had to decide whether to keep going, or go back to the store and get the right equipment, and maybe thin down the paint a little.

I kept going. Of course I did.

With all fifty cupboards painted the fresh deep brown colour I played XBOX for another few hours and went to bed. Then after a great following day tromping through the bushes with Gary in search of our lost youth (surrounded by frogs that were terrified of us due to long generations of passed-down tales of horror involving two boys on the farm that didn't mean any harm) and maybe some Morel Mushrooms, I returned home and began installing the (now dry) cupboards back onto the cabinets in the kitchen.

I'd completed most of this when I really paused and had a look.

They were all bumpy. Bad bumpy. Cheap paint-job bumpy. White-trash bumpy.

Ugh. What now? Do I just put up with it? What do I do? Where's my mommy? I decided to immediately play XBOX for a few hours and decide what I should do while blasting the enemy out of its hideouts in the trenches and forests of Ghost Recon. I really spent a long time trying to find a way to accept this awful paint job and just not worry about it, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't. I had to redo the whole thing. That meant getting a sander, some sandpaper, a better roller, and thinning down the paint.

It's now been two more days of my precious holiday and I'm still not done. In fact, I'm procrastinating. That's why this story is so long, you see? That's why this story is so loooong. I'm in no hurry to end it, in fact. I may as well just go on and on and on forever for all I care, because it's keeping me from doing what I know I have to continue doing.

Sanding... and sanding... and sanding... Fine. I'll just do a little more before I finish writing.

Okay I just finished the first cupboard with the better roller and thinner paint.

Hey, it looks pretty good.

75 Responses to “Cup Boreds”

Anonymous on 2:49 p.m.

I'm glad there was a happy ending, even if it did take you an extra level of work. I hope you get to do something other than painting and sanding during your holiday! :)
Anonymous on 5:09 p.m.

I think I've figured out your problem, Dave, but it's not something to be discussed in polite company.
Anonymous on 6:48 p.m.

Don't worry Phyl, there's no polite company here... shoot.

Dave
Anonymous on 8:50 p.m.

Well buddy....playing the XBox while thinking about it....or rather, avoiding it, is EXACTLY what I would have done. Don't worry, ...you have the rest of your holidays to finish it...it will get done, and look great! And, you will be cooking like a madman in no time at all. Make some popcorn, and just sit down on the couch, relax, and think about that....haha.
Anonymous on 12:38 p.m.

Um, what's with the picture?

Not that I mind...
Anonymous on 1:35 p.m.

The picture is Dave's new girlfriend who was helping him paint and decided to take off her clothes so they wouldn't get spotted with paint. This is the point where they stopped to eat strawberries for lunch.

So, as a fiber artist, all I want to know is: Do dark-chocolate brown cabinets look good? Forget the bumps, I want to know if the color works. I'm in serious suspense here, being somewhat color challenged (white on white with a side of white.)
Anonymous on 7:54 a.m.

Yes, exactly.

Syne, the colour looks good but now I have to paint the walls. White and chocolate brown just looks seventies. I need to warm it up. Not only that, I still have lots of strawberries to eat.
Anonymous on 11:44 a.m.

Hey Dave! Glad to see you're being so domestic!

Here's why I like white on white... it's crisp, classic, and light. And it serves as the perfect back-drop for colorful accessories which you can change at whim. I say (next time) stick with the white, go to your favorite online store(s) (my favs are CrateandBarrel.com, Spiegel.com, and Target.com), buy some colorful (or brown) linens and/or other accessories to sprinkle around the place, turn on the X-Box and call it a day ;-) Then, when you get sick of the brown accessories, simply gather them up and replace them with the next color that moves you. Decorating this way involves less commitment, less time, and less hassle. Now that I think about it, this is sort of what I do with the men in my life.... hmmmm.... Teasing!!! Totally! I AM!

Hope you're well!
Anonymous on 2:58 p.m.

Wow, way to make opening your blog quite awkward for me. Quite awkward, and.... and quite arousing.

I aggree- white = tre boring. And it allways looks dirty, unless it's really clean. Which is impossible in a real life kitchen.

So, go you! Way to actually get some shit done. Because I know I never do.
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